TV Guide Comedy Central Wednesday

Yours, Wine, and Ours: With the house empty, Mike opts for more "me time" instead of doing couples things with Vanessa. He's soon reminded by Bonnie of how couples can drift apart. (S8, E03)

You've Got Male (or Female): Kristin entrusts Mike with the doctor's envelope that shows the gender of her unborn child, knowing that Vanessa will never be able to keep the secret. (S8, E04)

Mike gets into the spirit of Valentine's Day by writing a romantic text for Frankie - but things go swiftly downhill when he mistakenly sends it to a colleague at the quarry instead - while Axl sets up a new business especially for the holiday, offering to break up with girls on behalf of guys who are too scared to do it themselves. Sue is thrilled when ex-boyfriend Matt invites her to the school dance, and Brick is upset to discover his sister has thrown out all of his school artwork

Axl is horrified to discover his best mate Darrin fancies younger sister Sue, and Mike isn't overly impressed either - especially when it seems his daughter is equally smitten. Frankie, meanwhile, is worried about Brick's safety when he sets off on a three-day school trip to Chicago. Family comedy, starring Patricia Heaton and Neil Flynn

Sue's hopes of a happy 16th birthday are jeopardised when she and her brothers accidentally break the living-room window and try to pin the blame on the local tearaways. But their parents are one step ahead and come up with a novel way of making their kids confess. Away from the domestic strife, Frankie is hoping to land a prime spot with a leading dentist - but first she has to impress no-nonsense teacher Mrs Armwood. Jane Kaczmarek (Malcolm in the Middle) guest stars

Frankie is struggling to find some peace and quiet to study for her dental assistant exam, so sister Janet comes to help run the family home while she gets stuck into her revising. However, the chaos of the Heck household proves just a little too much for perfectionist sibling. Meanwhile, Sue is on a mission to change her middle name - which oddly is also Sue - and Axl tries not to act like a jealous boyfriend when Cassidy's ex pays a visit

Jay decides to become an artist and paints a portrait of Michael based on Michelangelo's David, making him feel inadequate at being constantly compared with such a paragon of physical perfection. Starring Damon Wayans

Jay attends a couples therapy seminar, but the group causes more problems than it solves. Michael tries to teach Junior the value of money by encouraging him to start his own business - little suspecting he will turn to fraud. Starring Damon Wayans and George O Gore II

Rachel gets a dressing-down at work for dating Tag, while Monica tries to buy her neighbours' friendship by making sweets for them - but finds their appetites to be greater than her desire to be popular

Phoebe plans to return to her flat and tries desperately to persuade Rachel to join her, while Monica is infuriated by Chandler's inability to tip appropriately. Ross looks after Ben during the holiday season, and dresses as an armadillo to keep him entertained

Phoebe's ex-boyfriend arrives back in town and Monica is angry at not being invited to her cousin's wedding. Chandler and Rachel feel guilty for eating a neighbour's cheesecake that was mistakenly delivered to their apartment. Comedy, guest starring Hank Azaria (The Simpsons)

Ross and Joey get trapped on the roof while waiting to watch a meteor shower. Monica's exhaustion leads to trouble with Chandler, and Rachel argues with Tag over which of them failed to post a parcel

Phoebe encounters a suicidal office worker during her first day as a telemarketer. Ross and Monica are upset to discover their parents intend to sell their childhood home, while Rachel and Chandler blame themselves for breaking Joey's favourite chair

The pals celebrate Rachel's 30th birthday and reminisce about their own, including Monica's attempt to hide her intoxication from her parents, and Ross's embarrassing crisis, which resulted in the purchase of a red sports car. Comedy, starring Jennifer Aniston and David Schwimmer

Joey tells a fellow soap cast member that her character is to be killed off. Rachel and Phoebe sabotage each other's plans to date an attractive man who left his mobile phone in Central Perk, and Ross learns he is not allowed to play the bagpipes at Monica and Chandler's wedding. Guest starring Susan Sarandon

Chandler hears a startling revelation about how his relationship with Monica almost failed to get off the ground in London. Joey tries to get ordained via the internet and Rachel teaches Ben practical jokes to play on Ross. Courteney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, Matthew Perry and Matt LeBlanc star

Joey and Ross date the same girl, while Monica fights tooth and nail with a fellow bride-to-be for a special wedding dress and the right to hire Chandler's favourite band for the ceremony. David Schwimmer and Courteney Cox star

Joey is nominated for a minor daytime drama award, Monica realises she will never again feel the thrill of a new romance and a student tells Ross he is in love with him. With Matt LeBlanc and Courteney Cox

Monica is visited by a cousin she has not seen since childhood, whose stunning looks do not go unnoticed by Chandler. Rachel and Phoebe plan a last-minute bridal party, while Joey tries to trick his way into an acting role. Guest starring Denise Richards

Rachel meets an old college friend and wonders whether she should confront her about a boozy incident from their past that took a dramatic and passionate turn. Meanwhile, Chandler and Ross vie to outdo one another in the tuxedo stakes for the impending wedding. Winona Ryder guest stars

With the wedding only four weeks away, Chandler struggles to write his vows and turns to Joey and Ross for much-needed help. Meanwhile, Monica has similar difficulties and recruits Phoebe and Rachel - but they soon get distracted and start reminiscing

Monica convinces a reluctant Chandler to travel to Las Vegas to invite his estranged father to their wedding, while Rachel gets into trouble for driving Monica's Porsche. Comedy, guest starring Kathleen Turner

Part one of two. Chandler's nerves get the better of him on the eve of his wedding and he disappears, leading to a frantic search by Ross. Joey rehearses for a film role with a major star, while Phoebe and Rachel make a startling discovery. Comedy, guest starring Kathleen Turner, Elliott Gould and Gary Oldman

Part two of two. The gang continues to search for the missing Chandler, who is still suffering a severe case of premarital jitters. Joey tries desperately to be released from his role in a major film so he can act as minister at the wedding. Gary Oldman and Kathleen Turner guest star

A couple decide to get married, but before they can begin planning their wedding in earnest, a series of unforeseen events forces them to postpone the big day. As a career opportunity leads them to make a fresh start in another part of the country, second thoughts start to surface and the altar looks a very long way away. Romantic comedy, with Jason Segel, Emily Blunt and Rhys Ifans

The friends discuss law and order, which Karl claims not to have any interest in - but Ricky and Stephen are taken aback by his views on shoplifting. Karl also reveals his thoughts about noise pollution. Animated series, based on recordings from the trio's popular podcasts

Karl Pilkington shares his thoughts on sickness and advances in medicine, and discusses whether a machine that would enable doctors to feel patients' pain might be a good idea. Animation based on recordings from the popular podcast series, with Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant

The guys look back on their favourite moments from the first eight episodes of the hidden camera comedy show, and share their experiences of humiliating themselves in public

Emily makes a request that could change Ross's life for ever, presenting him with a huge dilemma. Chandler upsets Monica by gloating about sex, while Joey challenges Phoebe to perform a completely selfless act. Comedy, starring David Schwimmer, Matthew Perry and Courteney Cox